Lingering
Days like these I find myself wondering what importance I held in any one person's life? I mean the complexity I have that engulfs my daily thought is just astounding. So how does any one person greet my approach to life?
I see how I am but my question really is am I even helping anyone? Is my extension of pieces of me really benefiting someone else or are they just cast aways? Seriously though. The imagery that is displayed when I put full force loyalty into a situation or event, even a person is remarkable and exhausting to me. Does no one really grasp the level I tear myself apart to appease and help someone?
I suppose it is all or nothing in my mind. Perhaps that is why I just don't understand how someone could be wishy washy in someone's life? Much less be so careless with someone emotions. Even more that splatters disgust is the fact the compassion and loyalty is NOT equivalent. Why though?
Am I just too intense that I scare off people? Perhaps I just care too much and then break too easily, like that of a fine porcelain. I just want to bark questions out but then the mind of mine says don't even bother. Not that any one person would respond. For that is either too much time or too below them.
Seriousness is that some are just too shallow. Perhaps that is why walking away, shutting or slamming the doors on them is way too easy for me. Perhaps that is even why I don't get emotional when they come around out the blue, showing the same cycles as before.
Even more so is the obsolete display of excuses they give. Profound to think I would want to sit and listen to it all. Profound that you think I am that lonely or longing of companionship. Clearly there is a level of insanity that wavers inside your ideals. For I am certain after being projected as a cast off too many times, I truly understand and have full wisdom that I won't be standing around anymore.
In such full clarity I will be observing your failings. Not to expand on the laughter but to be wary of what I should run far from. Not to slip back into being in agreeance of.
And as much as I strive to maintain my posture during this strained time, I realize just how good the experience of watching from sidelines is. Not being the center or even the blame with the dirt hits the fan. So much that when a rude awakening is given, I will be thousands of miles away.
The only blame that can be placed at my feet is I didn't say a warning word. I let it all be.
See as callous as some may be, I am in clear understanding of just how different I am. Yet what keeps me lingering on questions of certain people is the concern that they will never see the rock bottom. And truth be told that is the reality of how you make your changes.
Yet some never really know that. Some never really learn that.
And as I linger for just a few seconds more I add them to my prayers. All in hopes that one day my presence meant something, even if it was just a few seconds in time.
A hope.
I see how I am but my question really is am I even helping anyone? Is my extension of pieces of me really benefiting someone else or are they just cast aways? Seriously though. The imagery that is displayed when I put full force loyalty into a situation or event, even a person is remarkable and exhausting to me. Does no one really grasp the level I tear myself apart to appease and help someone?
I suppose it is all or nothing in my mind. Perhaps that is why I just don't understand how someone could be wishy washy in someone's life? Much less be so careless with someone emotions. Even more that splatters disgust is the fact the compassion and loyalty is NOT equivalent. Why though?
Am I just too intense that I scare off people? Perhaps I just care too much and then break too easily, like that of a fine porcelain. I just want to bark questions out but then the mind of mine says don't even bother. Not that any one person would respond. For that is either too much time or too below them.
Seriousness is that some are just too shallow. Perhaps that is why walking away, shutting or slamming the doors on them is way too easy for me. Perhaps that is even why I don't get emotional when they come around out the blue, showing the same cycles as before.
Even more so is the obsolete display of excuses they give. Profound to think I would want to sit and listen to it all. Profound that you think I am that lonely or longing of companionship. Clearly there is a level of insanity that wavers inside your ideals. For I am certain after being projected as a cast off too many times, I truly understand and have full wisdom that I won't be standing around anymore.
In such full clarity I will be observing your failings. Not to expand on the laughter but to be wary of what I should run far from. Not to slip back into being in agreeance of.
And as much as I strive to maintain my posture during this strained time, I realize just how good the experience of watching from sidelines is. Not being the center or even the blame with the dirt hits the fan. So much that when a rude awakening is given, I will be thousands of miles away.
The only blame that can be placed at my feet is I didn't say a warning word. I let it all be.
See as callous as some may be, I am in clear understanding of just how different I am. Yet what keeps me lingering on questions of certain people is the concern that they will never see the rock bottom. And truth be told that is the reality of how you make your changes.
Yet some never really know that. Some never really learn that.
And as I linger for just a few seconds more I add them to my prayers. All in hopes that one day my presence meant something, even if it was just a few seconds in time.
A hope.
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