Just being me
I wanted so badly. Yes, wanted. And now I see the best was for me to understand that I am not the one that gets chosen. I have accepted that. Yet does it make me hurt less, no.
As I lean into scriptures that help me get the grips upon being single even more so now than before I am learning just how flexible life can be. The service I hope to get back into.
Truly the desire, the willingness. Indeed that is what I have to keep reminding myself of. That is how I go forward. As empty as that seems to some, not so much to me. A bit of clarity rings through.
And I am grateful for that glimpse. As badly as I had hoped I knew, within, that I was wanting something that wasn't mine to want. And as I look back over the day I see that I am appreciative of the actions given.
Sometimes a bit too much to swallow but I am not afraid. Just leaning more into what is expected of me than what is wanted. As I make this journey I see the reality hit hard. Realizing I had a moment of bliss before blankness.
Not a negative point. Just that of acknowledging that I am who I am. Jehovah wants me and I continue to go the route I am put on. Leaving the decisions upon Jehovah and answering with the heart. Sending wisdom to the brain and brightening the spirit.
I can't expect anyone else to understand this expression. All I know is I had to let go just to recognize the beauty in doing the right thing. As much as it made me even correct some, I understood that they would fight for the one I was pursuing.
Apparently I am always in the wrong in their eyes. Always saying sorry when I could just scream. Why?! There is no point in that time when I am always going to be wrong. I don't need to be corrected about this. I understood so much and I voiced it.
I know the only thing I am sorry about is just speaking the truth to someone who has hidden so long from it. Reasoning themselves right. Why do that? What change is that but simpleton minds?
Oh I must just leave off. The mind is in such a tangent and it is best I just let them focus on their loss. That is if it is even noticable. Perhaps. We will see.
But for now I just will be me. Straightforward and unapologetic. Maybe you will see that I did read you better than you understood yourself. Just wait. You will know soon enough.
As I lean into scriptures that help me get the grips upon being single even more so now than before I am learning just how flexible life can be. The service I hope to get back into.
Truly the desire, the willingness. Indeed that is what I have to keep reminding myself of. That is how I go forward. As empty as that seems to some, not so much to me. A bit of clarity rings through.
And I am grateful for that glimpse. As badly as I had hoped I knew, within, that I was wanting something that wasn't mine to want. And as I look back over the day I see that I am appreciative of the actions given.
Sometimes a bit too much to swallow but I am not afraid. Just leaning more into what is expected of me than what is wanted. As I make this journey I see the reality hit hard. Realizing I had a moment of bliss before blankness.
Not a negative point. Just that of acknowledging that I am who I am. Jehovah wants me and I continue to go the route I am put on. Leaving the decisions upon Jehovah and answering with the heart. Sending wisdom to the brain and brightening the spirit.
I can't expect anyone else to understand this expression. All I know is I had to let go just to recognize the beauty in doing the right thing. As much as it made me even correct some, I understood that they would fight for the one I was pursuing.
Apparently I am always in the wrong in their eyes. Always saying sorry when I could just scream. Why?! There is no point in that time when I am always going to be wrong. I don't need to be corrected about this. I understood so much and I voiced it.
I know the only thing I am sorry about is just speaking the truth to someone who has hidden so long from it. Reasoning themselves right. Why do that? What change is that but simpleton minds?
Oh I must just leave off. The mind is in such a tangent and it is best I just let them focus on their loss. That is if it is even noticable. Perhaps. We will see.
But for now I just will be me. Straightforward and unapologetic. Maybe you will see that I did read you better than you understood yourself. Just wait. You will know soon enough.
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