I am sitting here realizing
You see so many parts of you flash before your eyes and you want so badly to go back in areas, asking why? Yet everything is too late. No ways to take back anything .
Yet it makes you stronger for doing what makes you nervous. This helps you too. So even though I know I have lost I still gain.
What? I gain my freedom in losing friendships but it still doesn't stop the tears or the ache inside of me. Yet I grow so much from this. All because I put my foot down. I said no more.
Even still that just doesn't stop the shaking inside of me. I still have to go forward without having some by my side. That aches. That kills parts of me but it all heals me in ways of fortifying who I am becoming.
As sad as I feel right now, I must see the bright side of the whole thing. I have to see that even in my greatest loss I still can go forward.
I just have to find a place to breathe.
So here I am seated in my car, in the cooling warmth, letting the tears fall as I release the aching pain.
Once more I am brave but only in this weakend moment. I just stare out the windshield looking at the sun playing shadows in between the leaves.
Not quite ready to go inside to face another battle. No need to complicate things when the outdoors takes all away from me.
I won today because I was capable of walking away. And as much of me that aches I won't even begin to let all that crushed me this weekend take hold of me too long.
I must keep going forward. Us crazy redheads are known to have vibrant stubbornness to keep moving even though parts of us are crushing and broken. For me, it's just the way I am built.
I still am forgiving. I just don't know if I could ever believe words said anymore.
I am different. I am still waiting to get over some things and right now the mind says NO to certain people. I hate that you might have to be one of them.
Yet I can learn to accept that too. Whatever your choice is I support you. Even at a distance.
Yes I can be happy for you in any shape. So whatever is whatever.
And now I am capable of saying it is accepted that I am not your friend. I understand that. I have learned I am not the choice of a friend you want.
I am sorry and I am sad but okay.
Yet it makes you stronger for doing what makes you nervous. This helps you too. So even though I know I have lost I still gain.
What? I gain my freedom in losing friendships but it still doesn't stop the tears or the ache inside of me. Yet I grow so much from this. All because I put my foot down. I said no more.
Even still that just doesn't stop the shaking inside of me. I still have to go forward without having some by my side. That aches. That kills parts of me but it all heals me in ways of fortifying who I am becoming.
As sad as I feel right now, I must see the bright side of the whole thing. I have to see that even in my greatest loss I still can go forward.
I just have to find a place to breathe.
So here I am seated in my car, in the cooling warmth, letting the tears fall as I release the aching pain.
Once more I am brave but only in this weakend moment. I just stare out the windshield looking at the sun playing shadows in between the leaves.
Not quite ready to go inside to face another battle. No need to complicate things when the outdoors takes all away from me.
I won today because I was capable of walking away. And as much of me that aches I won't even begin to let all that crushed me this weekend take hold of me too long.
I must keep going forward. Us crazy redheads are known to have vibrant stubbornness to keep moving even though parts of us are crushing and broken. For me, it's just the way I am built.
I still am forgiving. I just don't know if I could ever believe words said anymore.
I am different. I am still waiting to get over some things and right now the mind says NO to certain people. I hate that you might have to be one of them.
Yet I can learn to accept that too. Whatever your choice is I support you. Even at a distance.
Yes I can be happy for you in any shape. So whatever is whatever.
And now I am capable of saying it is accepted that I am not your friend. I understand that. I have learned I am not the choice of a friend you want.
I am sorry and I am sad but okay.
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