What hurts the most

I had to initially deal with you never really believing me. You even said you didn't know who told the truth.

What hurt the most is that you actually believed I would talk about you. Ha.

Only good uplifting things.  Then to know I defended you. Why? Because you were not there to confront the attacker.

Above all I forgive
Above all I move forward. Just grateful I MIGHT get to talk.

But still the disbelief in my head still lingers that if my words really do stay true in your head.

Making me wonder if it is obligation to a frayed friendship that you feel necessary to talk to me.

Alas I am moving. Still hurting, not mad and not angry. Sadly that is a part of me lost on you. I keep going forward because this pinching need, deep emotional connection I have worked hard to make.

Yet I sometimes wonder if I put too much effort into it. Only to left to feel what I cannot deny yet cannot leave either.

When I see you reconnect to parts but only parts of me. And full on with other people. It kind of makes me weary if I am just a job.

Is it that?  A job?

I will not know because I will not ask.

A small test I must give. I will see.