Moving along
As I sit here allowing the wind of the fan hit my hair. Soft tickling tendrils hit my face. I let the thoughts of what I could have become stride across the person I am now. I look back over all the wrongs I have done and am not surprised by the actions I took. Still most of the choices I made were destroying aspects.
Not making excuses of my past as the precursor to the choices I made nor am I overlooking that parts of my past were factors of how I assess the situations I chose. Indeed they are a catch 22. Neither good or bad but not righteous either. My ideas of morals or my standards were not up to pare. Even after being baptized I still didn't have a firm hold of what I should be seeing as wrong.
And as I look back at all that I have done, most of it was pure evil. In the aspect of being EXACTLY like my father. And to this day still makes me so sick. I cringe and even weep because I hurt so many other people while living life as I thought fit.
Why would Jehovah even allow me a seat at his table when I did all this? Why would I even be asked to come back? How could I even prove that I am different? So far down the ladder of humans I feel so unsure how I could be loved so much by Jehovah and yet he does want me back. When, I know not but I am going to ask. That is the start.
Is it too soon? I don't know but I am hopeful of that one day.
I can keep holding onto hope. That is the way to go. Then finding a way to strengthen my faith with Jehovah. Every little step moves some. So keep taking action, choosing what Jehovah wants not what I want. Lean into Jehovah and reach for him every day. That is how I am moving along.
Not making excuses of my past as the precursor to the choices I made nor am I overlooking that parts of my past were factors of how I assess the situations I chose. Indeed they are a catch 22. Neither good or bad but not righteous either. My ideas of morals or my standards were not up to pare. Even after being baptized I still didn't have a firm hold of what I should be seeing as wrong.
And as I look back at all that I have done, most of it was pure evil. In the aspect of being EXACTLY like my father. And to this day still makes me so sick. I cringe and even weep because I hurt so many other people while living life as I thought fit.
Why would Jehovah even allow me a seat at his table when I did all this? Why would I even be asked to come back? How could I even prove that I am different? So far down the ladder of humans I feel so unsure how I could be loved so much by Jehovah and yet he does want me back. When, I know not but I am going to ask. That is the start.
Is it too soon? I don't know but I am hopeful of that one day.
I can keep holding onto hope. That is the way to go. Then finding a way to strengthen my faith with Jehovah. Every little step moves some. So keep taking action, choosing what Jehovah wants not what I want. Lean into Jehovah and reach for him every day. That is how I am moving along.
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