Is it easier

I sat here in my own world, trying not to say a word to
my aunt about the gross injustice of my abuse. She was
talking about misconduct with a priest and hundreds
of girls fourteen to seventeen.

I ended up blirting out imagine being UNDER fourteen
and being sexually assaulted and raped. She said
yes this is what happened to some of these girls.

I said but it happened to me.

Silence from her. Then does your mom know came from her mouth.
Yes..

I sit here wondering how I can be who I am without
feeling broken and torn. How is it that I overcame?
Did I even overcome it?

She asks who. Then did I get counseling.
I say who. I say yes, some counseling.
Most is the disgust people have and I just
push the feelings and dirt under a rug.

It's easier right?

How does one report on people who are dead?
What purpose does it serve to drag anything to the
light? No one sees it anyhow.

So I move. I breathe. I stay quiet.
What else can I do? Am I broken? Am
I worthy? Absolutely in both cases.

However..

I see positive in my trauma, my assaults/abuse, my rapes.
I see hope.
I see love and forgiveness.

Sure I am bitter and cold at times
but I am awake, alive.

No better thought than hope, love and faith.
They pull me through.