How do I repent?

How does a victim repent from her evil when her
attackers never did? How does a child let go of fear
of a father who was to protect but damaged? How
does a womant open her wounds so infections can
be cleaned?

How does the spirit of a child grow when her
faith and trust is twisted? How does a woman go
forward, spiritually, when she is still trapped inside
some kind of darkness?

How do I let love and trust spill inside of me
when I had so little from the first day? How do
I regain a bond when I burnt the bridges? How
does Jehovah even see me? Am I even worthy
of such protective love from him?

I sit here with so much disgust inside of me.
How can I repent for my evil, Jehovah?
How do I make known my name, once more,
in your book?

I write about forgiveness and being steady.
Even speak of being positive and uplifting,
yet I am so cold. Almost lost inside a spinning
circle.

Trying so hard to keep up appearances and yet
I feel so relieved that I fall down, a lot.

Why?

The truth is humbling. Repenting as a victim,
an aggressor and an uncertain woman is a battle I
have won. Only because Jehovah has given me
everything I would need to keep clinging to him.

What keeps my hope alive is Jehovah's promises and
love.