My Failing prayer to Jehovah

I really didn't know how, why I fit. Jehovah kept telling me to keep going but I doubted his words. I let all of me fall. Falling hard, deep and scary.

The weight of all the uncertainties echoed inside of me. Still I held my head up. Why? Why didn't I just break?  It would have made more sense to do that than to just wade through the day.

Alas I still kept falling. Failing to see that I was losing everyone I loved. Pushing them away in measures I cannot return.

Alas in turn now I am stuck. Puddle deep muck that keeps drowning my toes and ankles. Not really sure how to get out. Mindset is there but the hurt of what has been destroyed keeps pulling me further.

Oh Jehovah  why didn't I listen? Why did I keep leaping where I should have been surveying? Oh how can I go back? I know I can't and that I have to move forward.

Tearing the chills from my soul and strengthening the resolution I have for my fighting spirit. Oh Jehovah what was I doing?

My heart pulled. My mind let it control. Right now I sit and cry. Hoping I get one more opportunity with some. Still do I deserve it? Am I even worthy of the mud on their shoes?

Jehovah is there kindness in them to help me? Alas the hurt reaks. Tired of the emotional rollercoasters.

Yes sometimes I have to look away for some to realize I will still cry. I am drama or overly sensitive but you knew that when  you asks me to feel.

Ah alas I will have my time. My patience will make me better. Yet I am scared of you seeing my scarred red face, my swollen cheeks. Yes I don't want you to see my pain.

Jehovah make me see it was for good. Make me wiser with every step and allow me to hold just one more time. Hold. Yes.