A post for my rock, my friend
Today I sat here flying through my emotions and even getting mad at the one person who has been with me all along. I was so angry. I forgot the the stages of imperfection we are all in. I keep trying to tell myself how this person should be behaving better but where was I to judge? How did I find myself greater than God? Where was the power of knowing right and wrong so ideal in my own mind?
Then the view of places that were stained words upon the internet made me rethink of my lack of person. So far was I acting of being even more below this person. Where had I come off being "better" than them? I know in my mind and in my heart I can never compare and yet I still was. Why?
I really had to view the words I had written so long ago to get the grip on myself and to realize I had become a real "b" so to say. Yes even in my mind I screamed that nasty word. I had become the horror I didn't want to become. Letting my emotions run free. This is why the bible says that the heart is the most treacherous part of us.
So much I have destroyed in the last few months. Why do I still stand in Jehovah, God's favor? I snicker in my silence of how loving he really is. Those many people I have hurt, stretched or burned I don't know where to go back. I don't even know how to begin to be civil much less kind.
Indeed it is a necessary work I need to progress with. Finding a way to remain hopeful, nice and loving. Though even now I sit here trying to justify my actions and then I snuff out the idea of placing them here. I cannot understand how I became so jealous, so vicious and I don't even know if I am worthy of any time someone gives me.
I should not withdraw myself from people but I just don't know how to socialize after I have been this nasty. Where would I begin?
Alas to my best friend who has been a rock for me, I just don't know how to apologize for being this piece of me. Shrugs. I don't even understand why we are peas in a pod. Yet we are. And you are amazing for being my rock. My given rock from Jehovah.
Sorry if I am emotional but I must say I have such philia and agape for you that I am inclined to think that you are just as crazy as me. Pardon me if I think that and it not be true.
As you constantly remind me.. we are all works in progress. So imperfect. I must really heed your words.
Thank you.
Then the view of places that were stained words upon the internet made me rethink of my lack of person. So far was I acting of being even more below this person. Where had I come off being "better" than them? I know in my mind and in my heart I can never compare and yet I still was. Why?
I really had to view the words I had written so long ago to get the grip on myself and to realize I had become a real "b" so to say. Yes even in my mind I screamed that nasty word. I had become the horror I didn't want to become. Letting my emotions run free. This is why the bible says that the heart is the most treacherous part of us.
So much I have destroyed in the last few months. Why do I still stand in Jehovah, God's favor? I snicker in my silence of how loving he really is. Those many people I have hurt, stretched or burned I don't know where to go back. I don't even know how to begin to be civil much less kind.
Indeed it is a necessary work I need to progress with. Finding a way to remain hopeful, nice and loving. Though even now I sit here trying to justify my actions and then I snuff out the idea of placing them here. I cannot understand how I became so jealous, so vicious and I don't even know if I am worthy of any time someone gives me.
I should not withdraw myself from people but I just don't know how to socialize after I have been this nasty. Where would I begin?
Alas to my best friend who has been a rock for me, I just don't know how to apologize for being this piece of me. Shrugs. I don't even understand why we are peas in a pod. Yet we are. And you are amazing for being my rock. My given rock from Jehovah.
Sorry if I am emotional but I must say I have such philia and agape for you that I am inclined to think that you are just as crazy as me. Pardon me if I think that and it not be true.
As you constantly remind me.. we are all works in progress. So imperfect. I must really heed your words.
Thank you.
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