A hope for more joy

I try and try to not see the negative but it always pushes itself inside of me. I learned a lot over the weekend and found ways to look away. Find the joy in the views.

Still the caution of just breathing. Stepping away and avoiding what may cause a view. I just need to look elsewhere. Find my joy in other things by replacing everything that lays before me.

In a way I have to hide it. Store it in a compartment that eventually fades.

Oh but the challenge of forgetting. This is a project Jehovah has to work on me with. Huge parts of me still hurt in the process of forgiving but I did, just as Jehovah asked me too.

Still I stepped away from all that broke me. Even more is how little I talk to those parts. Listening and leaning on Jehovah is easier now.

Easier with every tear I shed everytime I pray. Just to have that strength push me forward.

I find tiny bits of peace, of joy outside the screaming inside my head.

Dearly I want to express my pain and anguish upon ears but I only press Jehovah.  As I must. The importance of being capable of going forward, even in the stabbing moments. I go.

I do not complain. I just walk away. I keep to myself and I hope to hold answers soon. I shake my head in disbelief sometimes but then I shrug my shoulders and listen to the wind, the thoughts to keep my head up and moving.

So yeah I listen and eliminated where I was told to. I listened, obeyed and applied. Some applications are still in progress and the steps are shards of glass and heartache but I keep going forward.

Dare I don't look back to hope. I cannot. It will bring tears and hurt. But even through it all I will smile. And pray for those who were involved in my lesson I learned.

Indeed I am breathing. Thankful to Jehovah for holding his daughter tight. For my spirit is strengthened by his love. How can I ask for anything else?

A hope of more joy.