Overprotective

I love you so much as my family and then I hate you more because of your choices, your actions. So many times I go yelling, in anger, inside my head. So often I find myself twisted inside. Just the anguish of watching you make my mistakes and not knowing I have done them already, to learn from. STILL I stand tall. Stiffened because being soft, gentle isn't how your view of me should be.

No forcefulness and no raging wind yet I still am seen swaying. Ah the deep sadness that echoes. Filling me with whispering doubts. Cautiously I open my eyes, pulling the strength to just peer into the positive.

No! Do not come near me. Tainted.  Angered you may become. Do not feel the intense need to dissect my thoughts rolling inside my mind. Stand clear! Oh please stand clear. As I secretly hope you do ask my soul, my actions does speak loudly - never walk near. Yet my eyes of steel gray transform to violets, flash in fear that you may look deeper and find more reason to understand me. Oh how that sends chills into this woman, tiny child.

Oh my soul is fevered with tears as the spirit inside of me becomes more vibrant. Shaking the fear from the mind. Once a soft lullaby now a strong cry of help, a prayer.

I stand as tall as I can but the shards of glass hold icicles inside my veins. I do not wince in the strong breeze. I just breathe. I continue to hope.

Daresay I waver in my walk. Bringing attention where none is needed. Would you have ever guessed all I wanted to say is hello. Still the hesitant, growing child in me does not force a word. No not even a peep.

As sad as it is, I stand up walking away from the havoc in frustration you are pursuing. My brilliant royal blue eyes are steady held upwards as I march away.

Yes my walk I maintain the severity to not show what can bring questions. My cynical over sarcastic laughter echoes inside my head as I see youth drawn to a flame. Apparently the play you don't even know has begun. I only cherish in thought that you don't get tangled in their web. Crushed.

So I may seem as though I am interested but far from the ever growing lines. I just observe. So badly as a parent I try to protect and yet that position is not mine to fill. So sad because I see the next step to come, because my experiences had been engraved.

Still there is nothing I can do but forgive you of your anger towards me. Pick up my pieces and keep moving. Praying for you to be more protected in your searches.

So pardon the air of jealousy you may think I hold. The quake of concern in your new steps, from the changes you continue to make. Forgive this young sibling out to protect you in your naive steps inside unchartered waters. Beware of the sharks circling you inside a very small tank.

Alas I can only sit back and hope. Yes I said too much, trying to get close enough to explain but differences of us cause too much conflict. So here I stand hoping you soon realize that sharp vultures are defined if only you seek the deeper pictures.

Still I am here as a support block not a prospective pursuer. Not for decades will I be pursuing. I only hope that you do come to see disappointment, discouragement are hard to swallow and I would hate to lose such a good sibling.

So pardon my intrusion but I love you so much that harm I pray stays clear. Yet I hate you so much because your stubbornness is either going to be helpful or harmful to your growth. I pray for the first.

So I don't complain when you blame me for overstepping, for those times when you think I am assuming. No I just keep on loving you and forgiving you. That is all I can provide is support, love and prayer.