Along the roadside

Somewhere along to the road of town I stopped to wander down by the ditch. Trying my hardest to be persuaded  by a yes or no answer I could not quite get. It seemed as though the thoughts of why I was even hurried to gain the answer, so unclear.

Still by some standard I held up, I needed to find what was wedging inside me. Distancing me from the same but different emotions lingering. Why should what is inside me matter? Why should the tears that fall mean anything? Oh how I strove to figure out the reason I was just standing there not really moving just glaring across the expansion of woods and trees.  Indeed the mind left a deep hold upon the clear blue turbulence stirring inside my soul. My spirit was up building but the steps like glass shards sharing laughter.

Sadly my answer did not come as I expected. Singling out the methods to contain a measure of  disappointment. Clearly I felt at odds with who I am, was. Still I stand listening as the wind pressurized inside my dry throat. My ears constantly popping but the whimpering of tears finally subsides.

Indeed I could not see passed the error of doubting myself, the judgment  I had no right to make and the trust I thought was broken. The empty, trashed moment in my day.

Yes I had to pull aside. I had to get out to stand in a ditch to see the better picture of me. Finally to understand the question is not really necessary and the answers really don't mean anything. Just breathing. Just living. Just praying. Those are the steps that showed me what was necessary to keep trekking on.

Yes I hope my answer is found but today I can't hate you. Neither will I tomorrow. Just understand that I need. I really do need the conversations, the laughter and the company. Not on just time allocated for me. Is that possible to attain or do I press too hard for a hope too deep?

I do not disrespect  so neither should you. For maybe one day you will find me standing along side the road, waiting and hoping, to find me answer there. What will you do?