Claiming, remembering who I am

              Absorbed inside the sunlight, bright copper
finds sparkles of lightened white. Dancing in an uplifting
breeze. Holding onto the wind as the lyrics soothe the
mind.

             Echoes hold onto the necessity to open the voice.
Clearly I hold back because it is what is necessary. I only
look upon the white clouds and hope.

             Slowly as a tear slides down my cheek, I smile.
Holding onto the memory of sighs. Yet I am bursting
inside the silent, unmoving soul. The spirit is vibrant.

              Longing to sing, to be the joyful one I became
but hid because I thought she was too radiant. Slowly she
finds root once more. So strong I find the foundation.
Some repairs are needed but softer shoes will help.

            So here I begin. Finding the hope that has kept
me stable. The pieces at the tattered ends, I still cling
to glue, to tie, to sew them back to me. Oh I want to
shout yet I am muted. Stabbing back the sobs, the
sharpness that cuts, shreds me deep. Oh I find the
breaths ragged but I do breathe.

             That I must remember to say my gratitude to
Jehovah. To be praising of the short uncertainty, the
anger that is fading. The clarity of forgiving even in thr
uncontrollable trembling. I must not fall. Tripping is
okay just as long as I dust myself off and get up.
Distancing myself from the heart.

           Keep the reminders that my hurt is nothing
compared to those in the world. So lost they are. So much
they wander. Only my place to help find them, to
help show just how wonderful, how beautiful my Father,
Jehovah is. Oh how I kindly remind myself of his patience,
his forgiveness he has of me and all my siblings.

          How could I forget? How did I let that slip away?
Why did I allow myself an ego? How can I bring myself
back to his, my Father Jehovah's place? Stepping onto
the sharpest of glass, I walk. Not feeling the pain
because this is what I am supposed to do. So closely I
begged for all the wrong things.

         Now as the sunlight casts a shadow across paper
I am viewing the table I excused myself from. Crossing
the floor I find my seat still warm as though I only
was gone mere seconds. The loud boom of the chair
scrapping, some take notice.

         Grateful for that acknowledgement. The smile
of foolishness, of embarrassment is vibrant. The solid
spread of red consumes forehead to throat. The
held gulp finds the lump cleared. Breathing once more,
evenly. The determination to stay, I find my weakened
chain. Reclaiming it as mine, the link I strove to be free
of, only now I see the secret of the protection in the
rattle.

          Oh how, yes I cry, I though am healing. Finding the
purpose of Mary. Ah how I had been lost to emotions,
listening to the whispers of the desperate heart. Oh
indeed creating a great divide between who I am and
who was there before. So much I had accomplished.
Clarity rings for anyone who wants to knows. Yes we
stumble. Yes, that, we are imperfect shows we can be
lost in a tunnel if our eyes are closed to the light provided
to us freely.

          So yes decide that the lighted tunnel is better.
The path not well worn but definitely a bit more easier
to endure than that of the wider, crowded one. Who
knows the beauty you may see that opens on the trail
Jehovah has laid out for all his children.

          Indeed I did allow selfishness, complaining and
egotism to enter my choices. Instead of consulting my
Father, Jehovah over the limited, righteous selections.
Slowly a process must be reestablished. My dedication
must mean something. I have to find the words, the
positive voice during these high stressing times.

          Oh Jehovah where have I been wandering?
The first fresh breath is hard but each new inhale
becomes better. So much joy must be pressed. For
each flutter of the hummingbird's wing against my cheek
would mean nothing, not recognized.

          Oh the steps hurt. The tears fall but I know I have
the strength. I am backed by the best foundation.
So capable I am of turning away. So empty I became.
So weak I became, all for what? Ah yes a hope of
my wants.

          Strength I beg for, I pray. Peace I find among
the tears creating, finding a path down my pale,
freckled skin. Still I will not be bold and press you.
I will continue to stand back. All I have learned,
all the speeches I demanded or want to give inside my
mind, I have erased. Finding a clean hope.

           Here I shake, so severely but I pt up my wall.
Rubbing in the mortar of loosened bricks and stones.
The Scriptures I hold, clinging to them and the softness
of lyrics. Inside a gentle exhale I start my day.

           Prepared for the goodness of the simple beauty
that has to be. The wonder of brilliant copper, the
stormy slates must close to find the clam and the
beginning.

           Oh how that part is hard. This long push, this
supreme finding of knowledge I held back. Yes room,
space, empty words and lost of air you will be given.

                                  Yes.