How love entered
Looking over so much of this morning I had myself toned down to three lists verses ten. When I give over to prayer I see the reality of calmness soak deep within me. Even though none makes sense now, as the quality of life expands the depth in the experience shows itself.
Truth that life can be as little as you put effort in it or it can be so expansive that you drown inside the seconds. Yet all parts are clearly explored as you take those steps towards the choices you make. Whether it is good or bad, there is no one to blame but yourself.
To some that is the greatest challenge. Addressing themselves as the problem of the entirety of badness that lays within. Truly I admit many times I did blame others but coming to recognize myself as the decision maker, hardest part was making the changes. Then when you apply love to the equation the mind takes on a new perspective.
Still adjusting myself, as now is a constant assessment. Yet the correcting isn't as much as a challenge. When you see yourself the way Jehovah does you automatically are grateful for the lessons.
And what of love?
See when I recognized myself as being the problem and took the steps that was necessary I put love back into my life. Now that took a fight, quite a few times. For the reason of not listening to truth rumbling deep within my spirit.
How do I explain this so some may understand?
I was so much in pain. Recognizing the extent went deeper than just mere years. The scratches upon my spirit were dark from decades ago. How do you let go of the scars? I mean is there a way to truly experience green pastures in life, this calm and peace? Yes those were thoughts I had to meditate on.
Parts of the reason why I had to walk away. So much of my life was a tangled mess. My life, my decisions. Everything. Then I crashed. But as much as I was falling I still knew somehow, some way I had to get back up. That is when prayer started happening. Short thank yous. Gratitude of the broken bits of life, because I was living. Yes my breath in the morning, the opening of my eyes, even the lessons were and are still my thank yous.
But how did love enter?
Love entered through gratitude. Love entered through recognition. Love entered when I wanted and finally saw the need for changes. Love opened my wounds. Love opened my tears. Love opened my mind. Love helped me heal.
Every now and then I feel the need to call out people but then I realize they haven't found the depth of love for themselves yet. When you can truly be sad for someone else for either being a great impact of your pain or the whole piece of the scars, well you will understand compassion. Yet I understand we all have different levels of comprehension.
For me, the struggle of loving all people as my siblings, my aunts, my uncles is a day to day even second to second reminder. For that I recognize just how imperfect we all are. Struggling, surviving and living.
And yet looking at me, some would see the glimmers of light back into my eyes others would note no change. I cannot expect those who did not really know me, to understand what is different. I only ask Jehovah to keep molding me into something he can use. (Isaiah 64:8 NWT)
To have that kind of relationship with Jehovah surpasses any one with humankind. Yet to remain humble is to recognize I have much to correct, daily. Growing in my faith and love of Jehovah, God and his son Jesus Christ I must continue growing and applying. Maybe, just maybe one day my voice will, be heard in the congregation surrounded by brothers and sisters.
My hope, my goal.
So I knocked down the magnitude of what is important in lists. Consolidating from ten to three. Mentioning each goal to Jehovah in prayer. Now application and trust is what remains.
The day begins.
Truth that life can be as little as you put effort in it or it can be so expansive that you drown inside the seconds. Yet all parts are clearly explored as you take those steps towards the choices you make. Whether it is good or bad, there is no one to blame but yourself.
To some that is the greatest challenge. Addressing themselves as the problem of the entirety of badness that lays within. Truly I admit many times I did blame others but coming to recognize myself as the decision maker, hardest part was making the changes. Then when you apply love to the equation the mind takes on a new perspective.
Still adjusting myself, as now is a constant assessment. Yet the correcting isn't as much as a challenge. When you see yourself the way Jehovah does you automatically are grateful for the lessons.
And what of love?
See when I recognized myself as being the problem and took the steps that was necessary I put love back into my life. Now that took a fight, quite a few times. For the reason of not listening to truth rumbling deep within my spirit.
How do I explain this so some may understand?
I was so much in pain. Recognizing the extent went deeper than just mere years. The scratches upon my spirit were dark from decades ago. How do you let go of the scars? I mean is there a way to truly experience green pastures in life, this calm and peace? Yes those were thoughts I had to meditate on.
Parts of the reason why I had to walk away. So much of my life was a tangled mess. My life, my decisions. Everything. Then I crashed. But as much as I was falling I still knew somehow, some way I had to get back up. That is when prayer started happening. Short thank yous. Gratitude of the broken bits of life, because I was living. Yes my breath in the morning, the opening of my eyes, even the lessons were and are still my thank yous.
But how did love enter?
Love entered through gratitude. Love entered through recognition. Love entered when I wanted and finally saw the need for changes. Love opened my wounds. Love opened my tears. Love opened my mind. Love helped me heal.
Every now and then I feel the need to call out people but then I realize they haven't found the depth of love for themselves yet. When you can truly be sad for someone else for either being a great impact of your pain or the whole piece of the scars, well you will understand compassion. Yet I understand we all have different levels of comprehension.
For me, the struggle of loving all people as my siblings, my aunts, my uncles is a day to day even second to second reminder. For that I recognize just how imperfect we all are. Struggling, surviving and living.
And yet looking at me, some would see the glimmers of light back into my eyes others would note no change. I cannot expect those who did not really know me, to understand what is different. I only ask Jehovah to keep molding me into something he can use. (Isaiah 64:8 NWT)
To have that kind of relationship with Jehovah surpasses any one with humankind. Yet to remain humble is to recognize I have much to correct, daily. Growing in my faith and love of Jehovah, God and his son Jesus Christ I must continue growing and applying. Maybe, just maybe one day my voice will, be heard in the congregation surrounded by brothers and sisters.
My hope, my goal.
So I knocked down the magnitude of what is important in lists. Consolidating from ten to three. Mentioning each goal to Jehovah in prayer. Now application and trust is what remains.
The day begins.
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