Wisdom in a closed door

 It is so funny how you go into a new life and you are helping someone only to realize just how much you tear yourself apart. That is what I did for someone. It is such a tragedy that I have to close a door upon that person. The suggestion of doing so was hard but how many laughable insults does it take for one to realize just how cruel someone is?

I thought that laughing even in a serious stance was okay for a while but before long the hidden insults began to creep out. At first I took the loving guidance to continue to love this person, and as I was doing so, I got lost.

But you know what helped me see that this was just a cracked door I had to close completely? It was reading the book of Job. Indeed Job is one of my favorite books in the Bible but it is the depth I have found just reacquainting myself with his experience.

As I sit here, still curious about that person I just have realizes that we all are faulted. I understand that I probably closed the door too fast but it is closed now. That is the steps I have to take to continue forward. In my own way I am very sad in the aspect that I left that person clueless but I brought standards, expectations of myself to the crossroads. Asking what was more important.

In that moment of silence after my prayers, I took the answers given to confidently leave all in Jehovah's hands. As I did that I felt numb. Not lost or destroyed but just internally silent. I slept the days that followed and found that all I was doing was hurting myself. Realizing that the said person felt nothing. 

Am I surprised? No. I was the convenience of the time. The crutch they needed. I accepted my place but Jehovah picked me up. Told me rest was needed to draw out all that was poison. The allowance of rest and meditation quickly made me understand the depth of locking the door and walking away. As much as I still find myself hoping that I was in the error I can relate that one day maintaining my loyalty to Jehovah was more important than that of helping one human find their goals.

When I find myself reaching for the door handle I find another good bit of wisdom Jehovah is teaching me. Sure I am willingly stepped up to help said person and now I understand why I was removed. Their growth to fullness did not include me. 

Even as tears do fall down my face, I get the protection Jehovah has over me. That is the comfort, the confidence I have in my faith. Sure time is what will help me go forward and meditation will help me grow. One day, in Paradise, I will be grateful to say hello again.

Until then I am happy that Jehovah allow me a presence in their life. What a wonderful stepping stone. Good or bad the lessons are always an education that helps us all grow. That is the beauty of Jehovah's love.