What do you ask

 Words find a home within my mind today. Emotions that have hardened and fossilized. Truth be told that if I could crack I would be ever more grateful. Yet I know the experience I have been given only strengthens my bonds. In doing such the clarity is finer than that of slivers of glass. 

In one moment of the shoulder shrug, I find the turning of my neck towards the steps I have taken to make new goals and achieve those that have been rescheduled. Certainly I have carried forward a few and subtracted the ones I have overcome. For those that have added, a slight smirk rests across a field of faded roses. 

Silence finds a different level of me. Holding the distances in a near far momentum and the demand of a choice instantly. Yet I do, quite, grasp that in order to make any kind of achievement motion, action is a necessity. And even as I am seated in this aqua plastic chair I realize that I still breathe. My heart still beats and the blood still pulses throughout my soul. That is what reminds me that I do have choices. 

So what do I choose? What were those goals?

Did I really bother to examine myself as I walked away from so called positive links in life? Indeed but why? And did you even know, I ask that of myself regularly. Still the same answer pokes me in the mind and gut, "this one isn't for you." That is how I keep meditating. This is why I keep praying. This is how I bond further with Jehovah, my father. 

In due time and course, I will ask again until the importance fades from my mind, my heart. Then when all seems a whisper in my memories I will be grateful of the complete contentment of my role. Because frankly, right now, I don't comprehend much of the whys. I just accept that is the door Jehovah wanted me to close so to make my relationship deeper with him. 

So as confused as I am in these days, I find that looking for the glimmers of light within I find strength. I find a word of encouragement to give another and that encourages me to lift my head up, giving glory to the one who so deserves, Jehovah.

I can honestly say, yes, I have gained a better level of wisdom from this person and all that what given. Yet, I still hope one day, in a better space of time, we will be able to laugh it all off. Yet I do know that chips and stones do linger and all I can do is stay focuses on my spiritual goals in life. Not so much a balancing act but that of willingly accepting roles and depth of knowledge explained. 

That is what opens the heart further and fortifies the hope, love and trust in all. A complete dependency on Jehovah, God. 

So I am well aware that I still have plenty to work on, setting many a goal to attain. One at a time is what I just have to do. In the path towards truth, this is the first acknowledgment that is necessary to gain the next stepping stone. Keep asking, keep searching and keep knocking is all I will leave you with. (Matthew 7:7,8 NWT)