A day, soon
There are nights I want to talk to you so bad. My thoughts run over and I find myself praying. Not that it is a stressful time but that of the joy of the day. The unfolding of the concern in your voice. The first person that demanded I call them. Now that is a feat in it's own right.
I find myself writing down all the things I wanted to say but then I toss the paper away. To think I used to write letters to you. To express me. To think that unfolding who I am on lined page after page. Oh how I felt stupid in so many ways.
Then to realize they did nothing. The words I had given, my thoughts, my core really had no impact on a bruised spirit. I was taken aback by the pain. I never once thought that anything I said in those letters would give you times to truly hear me. Even more the voice on the phone that would have squeaky vocals.
Oh how those days I let go. Why did I do that? Now, once again, I have to wait. I have to hope that one day I can talk to you again. Just about life, about thoughts. And those met in between needs of guidance and counseling. To think I have to continue to hold onto a hope that maybe one day.
Alas that is what is a must. Hanging in there when all I can do is pray now. Lingering on the fact that a separation of time is going to be a lifetime longer. How can I manage? Oh but I do. As I should.
And when all seems dark, just recall the scriptures you gave in a parting of worlds. Those are the memories I must cling to. Those hopes. And I know, deep within that Jehovah will someday give me the allowances to be even more grateful. To give a hug.
Until then the notes I have will stay in my thoughts. They will unfold every once in a while, here. Leaving this space within my memories as a sweet tenderness to be thankful for. Always thankful Jehovah gave me this time with you. And when time is given, be grateful of Jehovah to allow life to be amazing.
As for now, I just want to say my mind lingers to the last few words spoken. Those are what pushes me to keep building and reestablishing my relationship with God. So much is needed to be done but I am not in fear. I am not anxious nor overwhelmed just ever grateful that Jehovah has said to come back to his arms, his table. And for me, that is one of the best gifts given.
So wait. Wait for the hello. Wait but keep striving to live, if that is possible. And give me time, for Jehovah knows when I am allowed to say my words. For now I am readjusting life to expand towards more good news. This is where I am at. The return is my dream.
I know the wait, the lessons, the counseling, the talks and the warmth of fellowship will bring even more joy. That day is what I look forward to. As well as to be appreciative of the vessels Jehovah uses.
One more time a voice on the phone, deep but clear welcoming and loving. That is it.
A day, soon.
I find myself writing down all the things I wanted to say but then I toss the paper away. To think I used to write letters to you. To express me. To think that unfolding who I am on lined page after page. Oh how I felt stupid in so many ways.
Then to realize they did nothing. The words I had given, my thoughts, my core really had no impact on a bruised spirit. I was taken aback by the pain. I never once thought that anything I said in those letters would give you times to truly hear me. Even more the voice on the phone that would have squeaky vocals.
Oh how those days I let go. Why did I do that? Now, once again, I have to wait. I have to hope that one day I can talk to you again. Just about life, about thoughts. And those met in between needs of guidance and counseling. To think I have to continue to hold onto a hope that maybe one day.
Alas that is what is a must. Hanging in there when all I can do is pray now. Lingering on the fact that a separation of time is going to be a lifetime longer. How can I manage? Oh but I do. As I should.
And when all seems dark, just recall the scriptures you gave in a parting of worlds. Those are the memories I must cling to. Those hopes. And I know, deep within that Jehovah will someday give me the allowances to be even more grateful. To give a hug.
Until then the notes I have will stay in my thoughts. They will unfold every once in a while, here. Leaving this space within my memories as a sweet tenderness to be thankful for. Always thankful Jehovah gave me this time with you. And when time is given, be grateful of Jehovah to allow life to be amazing.
As for now, I just want to say my mind lingers to the last few words spoken. Those are what pushes me to keep building and reestablishing my relationship with God. So much is needed to be done but I am not in fear. I am not anxious nor overwhelmed just ever grateful that Jehovah has said to come back to his arms, his table. And for me, that is one of the best gifts given.
So wait. Wait for the hello. Wait but keep striving to live, if that is possible. And give me time, for Jehovah knows when I am allowed to say my words. For now I am readjusting life to expand towards more good news. This is where I am at. The return is my dream.
I know the wait, the lessons, the counseling, the talks and the warmth of fellowship will bring even more joy. That day is what I look forward to. As well as to be appreciative of the vessels Jehovah uses.
One more time a voice on the phone, deep but clear welcoming and loving. That is it.
A day, soon.
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