A little gift
I was thinking the other day about just how many times I was truly and disastrously self absorbed. I have found that there were several times in the last ten years or so. And to be honest I don't even like myself in those moments. Yet I was not always that way.
Most of my life I had put everyone else first. I even do that nowadays. And when I did put others before me in the past I got walked all over. I am not asking for pity or recognition. It is just that for so long I have put my hopes and dreams into a box for others.
I had to finally find that moment when selfish and self appreciation broke their line. So these days I am slightly selfish only in the aspect of knowing my worth. I am not a welcome mat to some and often times I am found explaining to others not to be that way either.
Though I am saying take yourself out a few times. I encourage being spoiled every once in a while, by your own money. That is okay. Yet I also understand too many times can be harmful. I had a real hard time understanding that giving yourself something was allowed. Yes I said allowed.
So when I aced my exam I bought myself something that had little cost but I was excited to purchase. When spoiling yourself it does not always have to be extravagant in price. It could just be a walk in the park or an inexpensive trinket. In my case books are my big rewards. All else are bonuses.
So sure as I sit here, rambling on about my self absorption or selfishness I just hope I do not sound conceited. I only wanted to explain a little push for yourself is never a bad thing unless you are already pursuing negativity or evilness.
But I just want everyone to realize that I can be very cold or standoffish or I can be very charming and warm and loving. The thing is that when I get into a mode, self absorption tends to be my only deep end exit or door slam closure. And with that I want to acknowledge that I see the black and white but also all the gray matter. A small detail and the grand picture too.
And as I agree that patience is a necessity in this world, do not forget about who you are and what your principles are. As I remain seated here, I recall just how different I was a decade ago and now. So much has changed, grown.
Now I have my wheels set in motion and the whole whirlwind is revealing beauty and prayers unfolding. Yes, I do not stop giving but every once in a while the gift is for me. Call it spoiling or selfish. Either way I see it as I am just as deserving as the next recipient. A little sunshine after the storm is good, right?
So remember to take time to just be you. Breathe and enjoy the little bits of color that spring your way. And yes it is okay to be loving to yourself too. For when you love yourself you can love others.
Most of my life I had put everyone else first. I even do that nowadays. And when I did put others before me in the past I got walked all over. I am not asking for pity or recognition. It is just that for so long I have put my hopes and dreams into a box for others.
I had to finally find that moment when selfish and self appreciation broke their line. So these days I am slightly selfish only in the aspect of knowing my worth. I am not a welcome mat to some and often times I am found explaining to others not to be that way either.
Though I am saying take yourself out a few times. I encourage being spoiled every once in a while, by your own money. That is okay. Yet I also understand too many times can be harmful. I had a real hard time understanding that giving yourself something was allowed. Yes I said allowed.
So when I aced my exam I bought myself something that had little cost but I was excited to purchase. When spoiling yourself it does not always have to be extravagant in price. It could just be a walk in the park or an inexpensive trinket. In my case books are my big rewards. All else are bonuses.
So sure as I sit here, rambling on about my self absorption or selfishness I just hope I do not sound conceited. I only wanted to explain a little push for yourself is never a bad thing unless you are already pursuing negativity or evilness.
But I just want everyone to realize that I can be very cold or standoffish or I can be very charming and warm and loving. The thing is that when I get into a mode, self absorption tends to be my only deep end exit or door slam closure. And with that I want to acknowledge that I see the black and white but also all the gray matter. A small detail and the grand picture too.
And as I agree that patience is a necessity in this world, do not forget about who you are and what your principles are. As I remain seated here, I recall just how different I was a decade ago and now. So much has changed, grown.
Now I have my wheels set in motion and the whole whirlwind is revealing beauty and prayers unfolding. Yes, I do not stop giving but every once in a while the gift is for me. Call it spoiling or selfish. Either way I see it as I am just as deserving as the next recipient. A little sunshine after the storm is good, right?
So remember to take time to just be you. Breathe and enjoy the little bits of color that spring your way. And yes it is okay to be loving to yourself too. For when you love yourself you can love others.
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