Yes I want what I want, yet I need

I want what I want. Yet I need you.
Days upon days I go without talking.
Emptying the words into prayers so the
tears don't choke me.

I allow the sadness to flow upon
parchment before I express just how
much I love you.

Talk about atonement.

I wait. I walk. I talk. I breathe. I just
keep moving. Forgetting that need of
you, momentarily.  Oh just to wipe
you from my memory, my thoughts.

Yes I want what I want. Yes I need
you even at a placid distance.
Maintaining the careful, I do. As
all is acceptable, expected.

My heart shuts. Kills and folds closed
so only common talk doesn't unleash
the reality of what I want to say.

I need you. Desperately want you to be
mine. Yet I let it all go. I wait.
I endure at my own pace.

I do have moments with questionable
actions but I maintain the quietness
because my need of you is stronger.

The need over rules everything.

Yes I want what I want.
Moreover I need you more.

Always.