Here is the air

I go to bed to try to shut my mind up. The constant talking and the rapid heartbeat chokes my soul awake. The deafening sigh when I still feel like I got nowhere with our friendship today.

The ache. Deafening and tear climbing strolls. Just cranks my low to near curling ball stage.

I don't know what is there.  I hurt the bond, I realize that. I tire of pretending. I am not sure if only I am choked or if just my imagination you lay claim of friendship only in name.

If that is the case I rather not.  Every night one pain or another. You always tend to have a door open but it's really not available to knock on or even lean in to say hi anymore.

So I am not even clear why you are still claiming to be anything but distant air.

So here I lay in a blackened room praying for sleep.  Just another day to pass over. Not to be an over thought rambling in my mind.

I don't understand the sudden distance but nor do I understand the importance of us. Yet there is no us. Just strangers.

Funny how that ends that way.

Just strangers.

Yep.  Breathing. Living. Maybe talking but not about anything of importance. 

Distant. I understood that part.

Especially where you made me promise to swallow everything about me.  I got it. I understood.

Breathing. Praying. Crying but none of it concerns you, intentionally. Frankly I am tired of faking. I can't lie to myself about the separation. Sliced.

But I picked up my pieces. Invisible to you the best parts of me.

Now distance I hold you. Pretending to be this person you see I was.

I can't go back because I can't destroy who I have become. I walk forward hoping one day you notice the change.

Yet I am certain you won't nor care. Just the actions shown already. 

Here is the air.