I wanted something

You know it hurts when all you are given is the leftover of the night. The drunken stages that churn up what was given in childhood.

I say I hate that in you only because you made me feel like the dirt of my father. The weight of his fist against my skin. How does that make you a person?

Still I wanted something but to get only the leftovers of booze and weakness I would rather lay with vipers than be subjected to pain given in that moment.  Alas you will not understand the pain, nor the torment. I will be chalked up as a missed opportunity.

Yes recognized as my fault for not taking.
 Yet did you even bother to understand. No. What does it matter to you? Nothing.

If you only knew I wouldn't settle for abuse again. Indeed the scars are deep. Still scorching the tendons in places.

How do I hang on? Truth. Love. Ah indeed love. Patience and lots of mercy.

I understood what offerings were given but I have to decline. If I wanted a drunken induced event I would just recall my childhood. My favorite memories of my dad.

Sorry. No. I am not a child anymore. So beg off if you dare, to actually learn why that is tasteless.

Of all the people I would figure some understanding.  Now I know.

Still imperfect and unaware of my depth.

Yes I grow. Everyday I do. And still the cracks widen on me. Would you even peek inside or just carry on as though I am in an emotional state?

Ah it matters not. Just understand one thing, I wanted something just not a drunken state of a hello.

I have felt enough of those on my skin to last forever. Thank you.

Just listen. Just learn.

I wanted something. Hug.