No I am not sorry for being me

    Days of rolling emotions. Such joy
awakens me and yet one thing is
missing. Alas I do not say a word.

   Just cry. Forming the wall around
me in need of cleansing. Why bother
when some destroy the wall.

    Carefully I look back. Saying no
to the offers of yesterday. Still the
tears roll in the memories.

    A bit of carefree laughter echoes
down the corridor. Praying for the
silence to not be so silent.

     Oh how I hold up to my end of the
bargin. Still I manage to tread on
a foot or two. How?

     Ah the expression of me and my
emotions. Still I claim to want to be
peaceful and yet the screams of
selfishness rise higher into my throat.

     I feel so lost but I am not. So alone
but surrounded by people. I must
say no I am not sorry for being
too sappy, too sentimental. I care.
I miss people.

    Here I stand always in a regal
pose but does anyone really understand
the levels I go to just to be where I am?

   No. I do not want ego boosting
words. I just want love. Indeed I tread
on a fine line. What is love in human
terms.

    Friendship. Family. Deep relationships.
Something of worth. Yet some days I
manage to find myself in a twisted
mystery waiting to be solved or
discovered.

   Funny indeed. Here I dry those tears.
Suck up the emotions and carry on.
Enduring as I am told.

    All for the best indeed.

   Onto the migraine I have caused
because of tears and waiting. Moving.
Moving. Moving. Not letting the pain
eat at me.

     Just so you know - no I am not
sorry.