Battles

   Parts of me crave the attention
but other parts of me want to hide.
Such a battle inside. Tearing,
screaming and biting.

  There I stand with coldness, as a statue.
So calm even though I quiver inside.
So much needs to be said and yet
I just choke down the words. Hold
up the neck, push out the shoulders
and place one foot in front of the
next.

  Indeed if some would just want to
understand. Hmm. I don't demand it.
Only hope.

  Still in this world there are so many
pains, trials and grand disasters that
my request seems so small. Almost
insignificant.

  Yes "almost". Still important I am.
Maybe not to everyone but that cannot
bother me.

  The days it does holds great clouds
over me. I am snuffed and punished
for all the negativity I express.
Finding long straws that slash against
me. Wounding me so I can feel once
more.

  No longer is it necessary to cut. No
longer is it necessary to seek out
company and dive into a seedy
way of life. No longer do I need
to feel fingers upon my skin.

  The joy finds me again. Pressing
me upwards.  Helping me get passed
that dark war drumming inside
my mind.

  There is where I hope to find someone
that listens. One who wants to be a part
of my growth, my discovery and my
teaching. Indeed a keen student
I will be.

  Still the battles rage on. Damaging
some sight but the mountains I overtake
are far more rewarding.

  So if you understand me please
reach out.