Drowning in negativity

            I wake to find myself given one more breath
of air. I am grateful. I notice then the puffy cheeks, the
swollen eyes. Recalling the tears that soothed me to
sleep.

            Such a grand, exciting day yesterday was. Yet
I was drowning in negativity. No such thought could pull
me up.

            A silent prayer not to cry in front of people, to
show the joy instead of the discouragement. Still I
trembled with the depressing words eating me inside.

           As a kind friend told the truth, I was acting
bitter. Indeed the gnarly negativity of me, of all
around me was pressing inside.

          Still all I could show to others was what they
wanted to see. The results of a joyous event. Smiling
I did.

          So exhausting to hold a smile when drowning
inside. Yet I do because Jehovah gave me strength.
Alas those who know me, see the change, and inquire.

         Feeling so bad I brought them inside my mind,
into my truthful feelings. So wrong. Even if the did ask
I should never have told them.

        Alas once more, showing my true self can harm
so many ties. Silence is what I do best. Smiling and
encouraging I display the warmth.

       Then sliding back into the cocoon of tears and
darkened room, I find hope from Jehovah. The help
that some thought they gave but destroyed me, worsened.

       Becoming the "sorry, sorry" girl once more. I thought
I put her away. Alas I realized I did not.

       Now so bummed I don't feel worthy of being anyone
friend, much less my own. So here I curl into a ball as the
tears keep falling. The gasps of air decide to choke
instead of relax.

       Yes if anyone see me, know I smile because I must
realize I can be friends to myself and others. It is a
hard, low time. So hope I become strengthened.

       For right now the covers, the tears and the migraine
seem more comforting than that of cheer. Good day
friends.