Exhale to an explaination

                       Trapped inside an echoing holler.
Finding the root of the problem and kicking you to
the curb. Finding that a depth of roots can
be severed.

                        Kindness in the release of screams.
Ones that just seem to explode inside me. A calm
breathing technique I am grateful to express.
A gentle exhale of thanks to the purchaser.

                        Indeed the unexplained ripping
is exactly what was necessary to be alive once more.
How could I have known the hatefulness in the
expressions displayed would just press me
to endure.

                       Yet what did you expect? Me whining,
begging for the means of forgiveness? Absolutely not.
No more groveling for your attention. Twas fine
when you wanted but never was I accepted for me.

                       Alas I am different. Not the changes
just the tiredness of trying to please, to hope that
I come first. Ha. I have accepted that will not
ever be a thought.

                    Thought the tears create trails upon
already pale freckled cheekbones, still I allow more
to follow. Of course I let myself go, in private.
Giving so much to view is soooo exhausting. I tire of
being the conversationalist. I am far from me in
that position.

                    Dare you wonder who I am speaking of.
Dare you contemplate I am mad. Just disappointed
that I knew what was there, yet I dreamed. A possible
crazy moment indeed.

                   Starve off your thoughts of "comforting"
me now. Ah the possibility of even giving of kindness
will cause me to see you in your weakest moment. Yet
could you, would you allow that tenderness to be
explored? *shrugging*

                  I will not ask. I will not dream. Yet I still
hope. That I have faith in. One prayer. One God.
To that I owe a bit of calm. An eiree quietness inside
my mind, my heart.

                  No more thunder. No more bolts of deafness.
I crawl to a warm, welcomed hello. So here, I give
you one but do I expect a response ~ by far no. Not ever.

                 Shh. I cannot express therefore I write in
volumes. Hinted in words and hidden between letters,
a time of once.

                  Then one day, soon, the answers I understood
yesterday will sing and there I will gain one new
step towards who I am to you. If allowed.

                So here, I extend my last of my emotions.
Embraced in a squashed bit of air and sent across
years of hopes. Yep you understand, a much needed
hug. That is if you dare to open to it.

                Do so enjoy.