I'm Choosing My Calm

 I'm ready to tackle all that is have on my lists to achieve. I had to put a pause on things while I stood in silence helping someone who clearly had no need for growth. 

And in that ending, I see where I was in their mind - through their fears - still frozen in place. 

I am not going to remain, holding the blanket for comfort when the ice fades from their veins. And as harsh as that may sound, and even damaging I didn't remain unscathed. 

But with my experiences in life from childhood to now, I understand a great many things. I have been taught that you can give so much and to the point of the last drops of life and breath but not always are those gifts appreciated. 

So to preserve me, I need to empty those boxes of clutter. Yes it is okay for crying, for weakness and even love. Yet growth is the exchange from the experience. 

In my moments of lightning and thunder I see the calm that settles after. And for some that is terrifying. Only because they have no idea how to move in it. Only life feels better through the storm. 

And you know, that is fine. But for me I have my goals. If, at any time, the ideas of being in the storm changes and enjoyment of calm excites one, then I have a towel and clean clothes. Even a place to stay until a new conversation is held. 

For now, my focus is me. Do what you will. Do what you must. But do it for yourself and not another reason. 

Because a kiss is just a kiss until sealed with faith, friendship and truth.

In this moment, I have tasted and tested depth. I see the movement made and I am standing back, down. But when all the chaos clears and the desert storm clears, the resilient Bedouin people still thrive. 

And even though I have never weathered their livelihood,  I can safely say that they are not destroyed. They pick up and dust off the sand. Carrying forward on their journey in life.

So must I. 

I won't say I'm always here because that is to say I will be stagnant and toxic, to me and you. I have to grow, and in every kindness of a inhale I allow your growth too. So when your exhale relaxes and the muscles do remain still, you understand friendship better. 

In that is where you find me. Whether minutes, hours, days or months. I will be there with a new light to help and more wisdom to shine towards you.