Gracefully Tired

 In all the pain that was released from this very Sunday, I recognized that shedding light to other things becomes important. And even when the stays are tied tight, the ends are frayed. 

So when you battle your own sickness or your own emotional downgrade you just have to forget anything or anyone else.

In this one moment of peace I had it. I had a calm and it was enjoyed. And yet it was too big of a price to pay. 

When one pulls and one declares. Then to twist words around to make it seem as though the words you gave were wrong, yet only days before please tell me was expressed.

I gather courage now, I spoke, and yet it was damaging. And now, just the pieces have to be glued together once more.

Time is a small allowance given to all of us. The tidbits of breath and light we all have to create meaningful connections. And in life, we choose. 

But those who are on the teeter totter edges of your choices either are enjoying the adrenaline or are being smack upside down. 

Sadly. I can't push nor pull. I can't be the one that gets the fraying. All that does is give privileges to insight of me and to destroy what was there. 

Clarity says much in volumes. A mirror never tells us what we want to hear. That is why it is a reflection. That is why it helps us to grow.  And in the end, if the mirror cracks after the back and forth, are you only just going to throw her out?

I suppose in this day and age, we are all disposable. In one person's story or another. 

And when the moments and breaths are still, the only thing that gets replay is scratches on an already imperfect surface. 

So what will be done?

A time in the past, I wouldn't have care. I served a purpose and invited that into my soul. 

Though today is a new day. And yesterday blew up the mirror. I am not picking up the pieces. I will get the broom, the dustpan and the trashcan. Because the fine slivers are destroyed but the large pieces are salvagable. 

And when I want to shut it all out, I recognize if I do that only you win. And that isn't fair. 

I am real. And I allowed a great many things to be display, only because it was asked of me. Yet in the quietness of time, I was given permission to view a life half-paused and, here, it is confined.

I cannot go back, pretend I am immune. I am not because I gave parts of my vulnerability to get some back. And now, as an emotionally intelligent female, I recognize I won't get my time back. So I have to allow the stillness, the silence to let my mirror heal. 

So call it what you like. View, glimpse and entertain yourself for a bit. Just know I am deeper than most and have a grand scale of understanding and wisdom. 

So one day, when the air of fear settles, and you breath trembles, you want to step back. Just knock. 

But don't you dare say I was the emotionally unstable one because I know I am not.