Measure of my success

 Know that somewhere down the line you have to find contentment in who you are. You have to find this measure of your own that you define as success. You and only you can see what it is. Whether that you got up out of bed and text friends or you placed words upon a whole page. You decide what is a grand, complete day. 

And you also have to make the notes or boundaries that make you grieve and heal. I learned tonight that fear is positive emotion. In all my years of breathing I had not thought that fear could be positive. 

As I sit here trying to define the situation in which my mind pounds. I feel torn. I feel sorrow but I know I am successful in my awareness of being  capable of these emotions. I am grateful for the uncertainty of how friendships go and how distance can be tormenting. And in these moments of silence and space I remain steadfast. 

As devastating as quiet is I have to be kind to myself. Be aware of my surroundings and find my joy in what I can. Being alert to change is constant. 

See I have to appreciate that my spirit, my whole soul and mind are patient and resilient. Even as I want to scream from the top of my lungs towards the torn bits, I find that there is no need. 

I can only change my perspective on loving people and what I can tune to being a successful day. No matter how deeply the core or cell of my being is thrown, I still linger on hope and a promise. In the end, that I am capable of finding truth and contentment in all that is confusing, is a grand success indeed