I am a counselor

 When you finally realize you are never the right person at the right time, it hurts but you treat yourself with the most dignity and carry forward. 

It's the pain you have inside that your mind and spirit holds that you can't let any person walk over you. As much as it hurts you inside, you cannot let it show. 

In this instance you have to draw up so much within yourself and learn to release the grief into anything and everything else. 

I know I will never be a person for anyone. I am older and I have tried. I give up and now and walking the way I should. Forgiving myself for feeling like such a fool. For if there was something I was meant for, it is lessons. 

I mean who was I kidding in the first place. Finding who I was in the mix of distorted friendships and laughter of work. I am understanding that I can only be a counselor to all not anything else. By now I should have recognized all the time and languages but I denied myself the truth. Why? Only because I thought I was something new. 

Then just a week ago I got the answer. And now I understand perfectly, I am not the substitute in any situation. I am better than that. 

So I said I make my choices. In turn I damaged my core. Why? In hope of something that never exists. That is why any person, at any age, should be the chosen. I am walking away and sure I might still be interested in knowing but no, not really. Clarity rang true when I read you who was on the mind. 

I thought I was of a jealous sort but in all of my understanding it was me justifying how I fit in. Yet I even lowered standards and boundaries just to entertain ideas. 

Now I realize I am not just a broken record and foolish person. I am just a counselor. I listen I act. I may be weird or even normal but I am a counselor, a person, a woman and within her rights to understand everything that goes on around her. 

Sad to know some types of people are really just that incredible. Such an interesting species of questionable misunderstandings. And in the midst a person can get so twisted up in believing tall tales. 

In the end, tightness in a chest can understanding the gravity of many situations. In this instance, I decline to reach out only knowing I am of an option not a choice. Not first and that kills. However being a counselor makes me recognize that I am only a listener. 

I bit the bullet in efforts to save, yet in the end all I did was create a cocoon for soothing an ego. Truthfully, I am grateful for the experiences but now I must rest because I am tired of all the bouncing that has happened. 

I truly want the best for all those I have counseled but I am signing out. I resigning and choosing myself in the mix. As I should. 

Getting my own taste of bitter medicine. I thank those ones who helped me see, as the counselor, to recognize who is important in the matter. I am not an option. 

If that is not what was intended best voice up now because I am about to sign off completely. I no longer want to be employed by an ego that needs soothing. 

Whoever took the prize home today, I hope they recognize the repeats and gain a faster understanding than before. For there are numerous cycles shown here. The specimens are repeaters and their patterns don't vary. Just be careful in how you respond because, you too, can be called crazy, weird, emotional and dramatic.  Whatever the words that a spewed realize that you are a spoke in the wheel. It's time to break that cycle. 

I can teach you. I am a survivor and I know how to teach of those broken records everyone plays, if interested. 

For now I just wait and carry myself forward for all the rest who get taken for the wild ride.