Mind calls

 Last night I sat down in hopes of writing all that just seeps from my mind. Yet here, even today, I find that not all of whatever is pressing me is displayed. Perhaps not necessarily is the issue of advertising the thoughts but that of just opening the brain. To trickle down the review of what would come to light if some just asked questions.

And still the need to explain myself, repeatedly, to those who have little care nor heart to actually listen. Sadly that happens to many. The need to release everything that weighs down upon our minds and integrates deep within our spirits. 

Is such an idea, feeling possible? One must ask, for certainty, does this truly happen? Can it really divide us into specialties?

Ah another loud question that plummets within the depths of my thoughts. For certain there are many, yet few come to fruit. I press down so much only to remain silent. Not because I feel silenced but for the underlying issue at hand, no one to understand me.

In truth that is why so much of my personality and experiences remain closed. So much of my life, that I give to people are just the superficial skimming. The fattening layer that does not even begin to touch the real richness of the cream.

Alas do I really compare myself to milk? Perhaps the idea was to not be pessimistic and do the "onion peel" layering. Clearly there are similarities there as well. Yet with an onion you eventually get to the onion. Nor are my levels paper thin. They are, seriously, elephant thick skinned layers. Crusted by experiences and traumas that could make many turn tail and run. 

Yet in the back of my mind the hope there are select few that decide to tackle the gruff parts of me, to look passed all that is quiet and find that bubbly personality that is not fake. 

Am I fake is another question that leads off on a tangent. All I will say is that many have called me cold, callus, indifferent, shy, simple and plastic. Yet I can tell by their name calling that they have not nor will they ever venture deep enough to see who I am. So for them to entertain those words as breaking me, well another slap in your face to the assumptions you are making.

I am collected or collective. I am eerily calm even in the chaos of a day. I am quietly reserved and only give surface tidbits of my life. I am even blunt in my words towards people and can be quite harsh in the cutting of my conversation. Yet if someone had known me just a tiny pebble they would understand that is a part of my defense mechanism. 

And when I bite back at you, well that is me taking in too much of your negativity. Oh to explain to someone what that is. The conversations and the faces that are given, mostly I just give up trying to help others comprehend. I find that there is no justifiable way to help others come to have wisdom and knowledge of an open mind. 

So where does this poem go? Where are the questions that rock my cells? Well I have tangents and constant creative wheels that I am capable to spin off of to get to the conclusion. This set of lines mean something to me, perhaps no one else but that is my indifference. I just do not note how affected other people are. 

So dare I ask for someone to send a message, well the likelihood of that is null and I still fine with it. Surprisingly so many people are involved in activities, too busy to just ask a fleeing, momentary question. Alas I am not shocked. Just admitting that I only write to rid my mind of the floating, indescribable penetration of words. 

They trickle and vibrate throughout my brain and I am grateful for just one moment of release. Something that can end all questions or halt for a wee bit of time.  Rather time be the ending or the beginning I am just content that I have said all lettered stanzas to a completion and the night can finally fold down.

My mind softens to a cooling scent of warm vanilla. Then the limbs warm up to the comforter and a firm pillow. A slight nod as I fall to sleep and the words bang against my forehead. Halted. Quieted. Cold. 

And still I hold one precious gift - breath. And how does your mind feel after release. 

Calm.

Hopeful.

Vibrant.

Confident.

Ready to tackle any dream that may dust my sleep. To you, I say good night. Think of those questions and be ready to unload your words upon paper. 

Hopefully life is good and your slumber prepares you for the next blessed day.