My roles
I waited. I waited for you here. To listen to your heart beating against my ears. To feel the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I stood here, waiting. Only to see that vanity isn't who I am. Ego does nothing for the wounds that tore me apart.
And months, years passed and the knock to dare, asking if friendship was allowed. Ah as I laughed within. Reminding myself that it is best to keep a distance from much that harms and loves at the same time.
As the nights flowed and the daylight began to spread wide across fields, I still gave what I could. And even when I asked questions I hoped that my mind would only bring memories to mind. No hope for a spring of brooks.
As I leaned into understanding, I felt a tug. This kind push of my mind saying all will be well. That distance makes all the difference. Indeed. Seeing none is better than speaking in whispers in odd steps. Truthfully I am so grateful as I still laugh in the mind of friendships.
Alas I say nothing. Just give tidbits of snippets of my surroundings. Perhaps even complaining to a point of distraction. Giving only the scraps of what my life presents and to bait the mindlessness of others. The endless circle that fills the void for some.
If you only knew that I give slivers of my life towards your curiosity, how would that wound you? Perhaps not a bit. Perhaps too much. And then it would say so much of who you are before me, than me to you.
In any sizings I have to make sure I am closed off. Shutting down the irritations as I converse because somewhere in the draining of your mind, you must always remind me of my faults. Whereas for me, I keep reminding you of your strengths. In those times where you deign in your mind that I am always at a disgrace or disgust, I am soothing my mind to forgive, to love.
So if you ever wonder why days, weeks tend to fall between and I forgo speaking, I have to shake the poison, that you spew, from my spirit. And as you know I thank you so many times. That is my way of forgiving. So brand me if you must but please make sure the fire bites you back.
You are not guiltless or blemish free. You, too, taint the soil. The difference is that I have accepted my roles in lives whether I am torturer or the prey. I recognize where I land and whether I keep going forward.
I have no means to stay in darkness. To wander as though I am blind of the results of situations. I do not submit to being dirt. I am someone. Maybe for you, there is some insane need to grovel at your circumstances. There in lies the problem you have. I do not agree that is how life has to be. I will not stand only to sink. There is no point in living life that way.
Yet the key word is living. Somewhere in the midst of all that is you, you have forgotten that you live. Not just float in and out of life. You actually choose how you go forward, remain still or whither away. Nevertheless you make that choice. The freedom God gave you.
So pardon my distance but you chose to see me as your scapegoat. That I will, probably, be forever. That I have considered. That I recognize, is the problem. Yet I just let you agree that I am an issue. I am the kryptonite that digs within you. Whatever excuse you use, remember the distances grow firmer, furthering a light when you need it.
Alas that is what I understand. That is why I remain quiet. Call it as you think it is. That I am being standoffish. But when was the last time you didn't blame me for choices you made? When was the last time you thought of me as a solution? When will you acknowledge that? Alas, never, as it was mentioned before.
And again this is the distance you will always receive. Denying truth is what you are good at. I saw that in day one. Yet I kept going.
That is our differences. Those are my faults. I may torture. I may scream. Yet I don't deny my roles. And that is what makes us severely different. That is what makes you constantly ask? Yet you cannot ever get an answer. That is the truth.
Frankly that scares you because you know it is true.
And months, years passed and the knock to dare, asking if friendship was allowed. Ah as I laughed within. Reminding myself that it is best to keep a distance from much that harms and loves at the same time.
As the nights flowed and the daylight began to spread wide across fields, I still gave what I could. And even when I asked questions I hoped that my mind would only bring memories to mind. No hope for a spring of brooks.
As I leaned into understanding, I felt a tug. This kind push of my mind saying all will be well. That distance makes all the difference. Indeed. Seeing none is better than speaking in whispers in odd steps. Truthfully I am so grateful as I still laugh in the mind of friendships.
Alas I say nothing. Just give tidbits of snippets of my surroundings. Perhaps even complaining to a point of distraction. Giving only the scraps of what my life presents and to bait the mindlessness of others. The endless circle that fills the void for some.
If you only knew that I give slivers of my life towards your curiosity, how would that wound you? Perhaps not a bit. Perhaps too much. And then it would say so much of who you are before me, than me to you.
In any sizings I have to make sure I am closed off. Shutting down the irritations as I converse because somewhere in the draining of your mind, you must always remind me of my faults. Whereas for me, I keep reminding you of your strengths. In those times where you deign in your mind that I am always at a disgrace or disgust, I am soothing my mind to forgive, to love.
So if you ever wonder why days, weeks tend to fall between and I forgo speaking, I have to shake the poison, that you spew, from my spirit. And as you know I thank you so many times. That is my way of forgiving. So brand me if you must but please make sure the fire bites you back.
You are not guiltless or blemish free. You, too, taint the soil. The difference is that I have accepted my roles in lives whether I am torturer or the prey. I recognize where I land and whether I keep going forward.
I have no means to stay in darkness. To wander as though I am blind of the results of situations. I do not submit to being dirt. I am someone. Maybe for you, there is some insane need to grovel at your circumstances. There in lies the problem you have. I do not agree that is how life has to be. I will not stand only to sink. There is no point in living life that way.
Yet the key word is living. Somewhere in the midst of all that is you, you have forgotten that you live. Not just float in and out of life. You actually choose how you go forward, remain still or whither away. Nevertheless you make that choice. The freedom God gave you.
So pardon my distance but you chose to see me as your scapegoat. That I will, probably, be forever. That I have considered. That I recognize, is the problem. Yet I just let you agree that I am an issue. I am the kryptonite that digs within you. Whatever excuse you use, remember the distances grow firmer, furthering a light when you need it.
Alas that is what I understand. That is why I remain quiet. Call it as you think it is. That I am being standoffish. But when was the last time you didn't blame me for choices you made? When was the last time you thought of me as a solution? When will you acknowledge that? Alas, never, as it was mentioned before.
And again this is the distance you will always receive. Denying truth is what you are good at. I saw that in day one. Yet I kept going.
That is our differences. Those are my faults. I may torture. I may scream. Yet I don't deny my roles. And that is what makes us severely different. That is what makes you constantly ask? Yet you cannot ever get an answer. That is the truth.
Frankly that scares you because you know it is true.
Comments
Post a Comment