Trickle of courage

I try to be helpful and wow I am too helpful. Yes a kind thank you would suffice. No no I did not want the hurt that went with it.

Perhaps for the best that I am a too emotional person. Just the best kind of laughter. A sweet trickle that chokes. But ah. I do not say a word. I just smile and walk away.

No I don't even beg that the recognition is there. Alas it is not my place. Just hold onto me and walk away. Please I hope to hold myself upright and then cry in my own peace.

Here I sit rolling over the right things to keep my mind intact. The leaps that are held closer. Only in hopes that the glass shattering to the floor won't affect my nerves.

Already cracked.

Or close to the edge being disintegrated.

Indeed the cackling laughter vibrates and the rattles inside the soul is damaging. Still I am holding, enduring. Surprising how recognition could help someone so much. Alas I do not beg from mere humans. I accept we are all imperfect. I would not dare to assume nor jump to judge.

Although many have done so to me. Ah the patience and the wisdom I asked for, I have been given. Indeed that is why I accept I can not be anything more than a nod in a crowded room. Surely the visuals given rip but I keep going.

Inward I struggle not to show the pain of hurt, critism nor judgments. I move forward and continue to pray for courage. Standing in the sunlight hidden by the momentary cloud. I hope. I pray. I smile.

Would you have guessed or even wondered the intricacies of me?

Just as I thought.. No.