Tottering

The changes that turn you for good. Some are good but often times it is the bad ones that make you remember just how far you have come.

As odd and as encouraging looking upon my past was I still find hints of where hurt remains, disappointment lingers. Sadly the weight of them some days are almost too much to bear.

I sit tottering in a coma like state. Almost willing myself to be sick to purge the badness from my mind. Implanting a good memory close behind.

I don't mind when people inquire upon my childhood but it WAS not all good. I have selective memory on those years. I try not to recall much except the positive tidbits. Even those moments bring me back to a bawling baby.

Alas I maintain my posture until alone. Spilling my frustrations and misunderstanding into my dreams. Such wonderful pains I enjoy as I awaken the next day. I seek to draw the joy out. Hoping the positive finds me most of the day.

Indeed the red face proves that the exhaustion is released. Perhaps even the nightmarish dreams blend into hopeful wonders.

Though I tire of always feeling zapped of energy when the best parts of me want someone to talk to. I love.

Indeed.