Thickness of Parchment

                The untold story left wavering in the wind
swirls deep inside my mind. Careful of the listeners
I carry the emotion closed. Emptying only into the
thickness of parchment.

                Distances I run to hold clear the understanding
of who, what is demanded. Oh how I just jump. The
shoutings inside every fiber of my soul just rage
and I shut down completely.

               Only added a mile wide smile in the arena.
Holding onto a hope that someone really digs deep
to see the root is black, dying. All else sees the
"fine" appearance.

              Indeed a quiet stroll throughout the
thunderous midafternoon just explores the salted
paleness. Ah I still thrust all concerns to the
wind, knowing my Father, Jehovah will hear me.

             So softly I whimper as warm water slices
down high cheekbones. So much wants to be said
and though I know the weights will be removed
when strength is added.

            Enduring. Yes looking back only hurts,
only destroys the hard work. Although memories
can be vivid I still tread lightly. A hope. A prayer.

            I wait. Not sure where the river turns
yet I am not dead from the fog hanging close
to the earth. Indeed the intertwining of love,
patience and persistence must be my primary
achievement.

            A tiny bit of echoing sadness still lingers.
The heaviness in my chest as the first steps
forward slices. Ah but my head is up, my mind
is clear and my goals are before me.

          Yes I would love to just unfold upon
anyone. Never needing to talk to any one particular
person, yet Jehovah knows. Ah did not
understand how, why such necessity to deliver all
my joy, my sorrow and my heavy concern to
any human.

          There is the reasoning. Not that it helps me
completely but I am bringing more strength to
them. Indeed it is how friendship is explained.

           So here I stay with the flickering of
deep water blues. Hoping yet not retaining the
misinterpretation of any particular certainty.
When the exploration of my words are heard,
read I must see that as answers.

           Carefully I rise. Breathing once more.
Heaviness in the soul is pressing for more sleep.
Yet now I must continue forward. Not letting the
memories crowd the misty scenery today.

           Being a Thursday, one day I love, I must
keep going. Dare I blink back, dare I swallow
hard, dare I allow my pain to invade someone
else's space. No.

          Emptying the emotion. Recalling the
organized training and jumping before the
wind. Depth within the thoughts. Oh how I want,
almost crave but solitary confidence inside
Jehovah makes me back off.

          Forgetting the haze. Forgetting the lowliness
and loneliness that echo hand and hand.
Straightening the nails inside my spine I lift
higher and draw close to the need of spiritual
food, association.

        Sorry that I cannot draw myself to talk.
Best I have me trained, grated throughout my
childhood is to let it wear off and not demand
anyone to listen.

       So the game of sure, yes communication
increases the love, the encouragement. Ha don't
play me. I am real. I crave daily news. I
hope, pray that just a hello vibrates through
clacking keys. Yet I will not be the one that
states it. Just a nod and a mile wide smile
graces roses.

       Indeed a bit of laughter to dance with the
tension built. Perhaps even a headache to
compliment the redness. Indeed I may hope
for such times because that is tons better
than waiting in bittersweet kindness. The
lights that keep brightening then blinding.

        Really is that really a must to hold
secure all that is lifting? Ah I do not know
nor do I claim to understand. One day, perhaps,
the dense moments will peel back and
a loud roar will come to be seen.

        Perhaps. Yet for now scratching parchment
has to be the answers. I cannot demand anything.
I can only hope, dream and wait.