Am I deserving?
The question of am I deserving is such a profound inquiry. I don't how to read my heart. All I know is how I feel. Sure the way I answered it was more to the understanding if I was quailfied. All I could do was say the changes in my life.
Many differences but is that what was wanted, I really don't know. And as Jehovah reads my heart, maybe he sees something that needs more work. I won't know. I just have to keep patient and increase the hopes. In the end the realization is what Jehovah sees in me.
And to really be so nervous and deep in my hope, well I just am grateful the steps were taken. Not clear where they go but my application to whatever Jehovah brings back to me, I welcome wholeheartedly.
See I can honestly say there are many parts of the last few years that I have wiped out of my life. Things such as cancer and recognizing day by day gratitude can make you forget and forgive. Yet how does that help those I hurt?
I have scoured my life for words and actions but truthfully, silence is the best gift I can give them. To not talk nor be in their lives was the greatest gift Jehovah asked me to give them. Truly something I handed over well. I really begged for it too.
And still the question comes back at me, am I deserving?
I really am not sure if I ever will be deserving and I understand the gracious love Jehovah gives, when he does forgive. So pardon my tears as I feel the gratitude and the multitude of weights lifted from me.
I realize I have a long way and much learning to do. So many applications to adjust in my life. There are so much that I am hopeful for. I real deep hope.
How deserving is one? How deserving was David really? How about Paul? And as treacherous as I have done, am I deserving? I have thought long and hard about this question - am I deserving? Am I?
I sigh because the as deep as the question is, there is just a scratch of the surface when it is answered. It is the depth of movement that is shown to Jehovah. I will always be asking myself am I deserving. That is a question that holds me humble. A sensitivity I need to make sure that I understand the depths of Jehovah.
As I sit here just meditating over the levels of forgiveness Jehovah gave to David and Paul I have to ask Jehovah in prayer, am I deserving? Oh Jehovah can you dig into my heart and see where I am?
No matter the outcome of the questions, I can look forward to the directions. It is the joy I get to feel deeper inside my spirit. No matter the answers I still will comprehend and be grateful.
So am I deserving? I don't know.
Only Jehovah knows.
Many differences but is that what was wanted, I really don't know. And as Jehovah reads my heart, maybe he sees something that needs more work. I won't know. I just have to keep patient and increase the hopes. In the end the realization is what Jehovah sees in me.
And to really be so nervous and deep in my hope, well I just am grateful the steps were taken. Not clear where they go but my application to whatever Jehovah brings back to me, I welcome wholeheartedly.
See I can honestly say there are many parts of the last few years that I have wiped out of my life. Things such as cancer and recognizing day by day gratitude can make you forget and forgive. Yet how does that help those I hurt?
I have scoured my life for words and actions but truthfully, silence is the best gift I can give them. To not talk nor be in their lives was the greatest gift Jehovah asked me to give them. Truly something I handed over well. I really begged for it too.
And still the question comes back at me, am I deserving?
I really am not sure if I ever will be deserving and I understand the gracious love Jehovah gives, when he does forgive. So pardon my tears as I feel the gratitude and the multitude of weights lifted from me.
I realize I have a long way and much learning to do. So many applications to adjust in my life. There are so much that I am hopeful for. I real deep hope.
How deserving is one? How deserving was David really? How about Paul? And as treacherous as I have done, am I deserving? I have thought long and hard about this question - am I deserving? Am I?
I sigh because the as deep as the question is, there is just a scratch of the surface when it is answered. It is the depth of movement that is shown to Jehovah. I will always be asking myself am I deserving. That is a question that holds me humble. A sensitivity I need to make sure that I understand the depths of Jehovah.
As I sit here just meditating over the levels of forgiveness Jehovah gave to David and Paul I have to ask Jehovah in prayer, am I deserving? Oh Jehovah can you dig into my heart and see where I am?
No matter the outcome of the questions, I can look forward to the directions. It is the joy I get to feel deeper inside my spirit. No matter the answers I still will comprehend and be grateful.
So am I deserving? I don't know.
Only Jehovah knows.
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