Pull back

          Seems as though a million years ago I fell.
Now the strengthening to pull back up to the right
levels is here.

         I must say clearing the dried on dust, clay is
so hard to remove. Still though a good brushing
it always falls loose. Clattering to the ground in
a disgusting heap.

         Tried so hard to cover, wallow in the mud for
some time. Striving to get reasoning right. Still I
didn't really pay attention to the grand divide
spreading the knitted bond. Too absorbed in
the expansion of me to care.

        So many bits and pieces just awaiting to
assault my senses and then ~ BAM! The whack
across my face was stinging. So necessary
was the findings.

        Tonight, early morning times I have really
felt the need to beg for Jehovah's mercy. The
prayer of tears, of anguish just open up.

       Such a cleansing I needed. The distance
I parted upon all just for my gain. Why?
Struggled and still fumbling I am finding
the rails to help me back to where I want to be.

       Still, though, my dearest friend I am a
muttering mess but I need your help too. The words
inside the Bible, I need for you to press to my
noisy eardrum.

       The hugs, the gifts of kindness I do need but
not as much as I need the words, Scriptures to
build what I tore down.

       Slowly I am reminded of being one of Jehovah's
advertisers. Not just of this Watchtower but over
and over, in small ways.

       What hurts me the most is that I was disrespectful
to Jehovah, to you. Yet I know I am forgiven. I only
hope you can help me see that I must do the same
to myself. That Jehovah's forgiveness is all that matters,
that I am worth what he has given me.

     Oh these first steps are grand emotions. Cryptic and
lethal but growing softer by the second. I only hope
that there is still a close bond, that yes we are
friends. Yes I know the bridge isn't tattered nor is
it charred. Just, I pray, it doesn't become distant.

    Yes I realize I over analyze things and sometimes
become annoyingly bratty but I am still me, searching.
Knowing Jehovah helps me.

     In this very moment I said my deep prayer. Hoping.
Believing a reconnection is vibrantly awaiting just
the push needs to be heard. So clear are the lines yet
still stands hesitation. So dear friend, a beloved
sibling, will you be capable of encouragement, of
simple offerings and lots of grand bits of laughter
intertwined with love?

    Shh. Yes sleep is knocking but I had the strengthening
demand to express, compel you to join me in this
way. What would be said for all the above? Will the
effort be there to increase help with my need of
improving and gaining me closer to my goals?

    I can only hope that yes sits at the tip of your tongue
and vibrates throughout your mind and spirit.

                         I hope. Soon that words find me.